Click to watch the video: The official lowdown behind the Tao of Badass method
This method is literally responsible for every inch of success in my personal love life today. The video above describes it way better than I would though.
If you happen not to be interested in the Tao and just want to enjoy some less focused reading about success with women, interacting with girls and relationships, I have compiled some material a few people deemed to be interesting below. This is not as much for practical success with women as it is for casual reading. Feel free to enjoy.
Girls and Drama
For years I've been really into releasing, accepting and everything. It was a great ride and definitely for the better. I felt powerful and liberated.
However, I do think that with all the lovey-dovey peaceful accepting 'not needing anything' I've lost my edge. So often I dropped opportunities with girls because I figured I didn't 'need' them. So often girls themselves got just uncomfortable with how comfortable I was.
I'm an attractive guy and got a lot going for but on this point girls just feel weirded out with me. Nothing gets to me and if they can't get to me then there's no connection. Eckhart Tolle and all the other gurus are right that openign up fully is key for a long lasting relationship but in the initial attraction phase this is just bullshit.
I figured that my interactions with women completely lack any kind of drama. And that's a flaw. Or like Dwight Schrute calls it 'Appealing but unarousing, like a well watered vern'. That's exactly who I was for months.
So although I dropped all the pickup bullshit. I find myself drawn to it again. It's superficial, it's insincere and disingenuous but at least it gets the girl's heart racing.
I want to be good at drama. Underneath there's still the peaceful me but for the sake of the girls, I want to learn how be theatrical and mad, and sad, and angry, frustrated and mean. Not to hurt girls, not to keep them on their toes, but simply to give them something to play with, something they can discuss with their friends and something that makes her life a tat more exciting.
A week ago I devised a plan tto inject more drama in a relationship with a girl that was friendzoning me. She's the perfect subject because together with her I started an incredibly passionate relationship for a really short period and then, because of my Taoist bullshit, let it fizzle out. She got bored and turned cold, she was about to put me in 'orbit' so to speak.
So instead I flipped the board and started a fight with her. I accused her of being cold of not respecting what we used to have, of turning it into a cheap story and lying to me, to herself and everyone else.
I took the vulnerable route, expressed how much emotion she brought up with me. I called her and had a really loud argument with her.
The moments when we see each other (we happen to follow the same -large- class together) she no longer had that easy smile on her face, she intensely stared at me, angry and I think a bit hurt.
I got some response out of her again, she wrote very long emails on why I was wrong about everything. Which is far more than she gave me before things went south.
Her friends are also behaving much more differently suddenly. Some of them tried to dance or flirt with me on a party, others started to hate my guts and others became incredibly friendly, probing for my side of the story (I didn't give in because that at least demonstrates my discretion).
My question:
I'm really happy with the results of my trying out, but I'm utterly inexperienced with drama and how to keep it going. What are some good ways to get under a girl's skin be it positive or negative?
What are some good roleplay type-ish storys and realities you can suck each other into? What's romantic? What's passionate? What's vulnerable? What's breaking norms and conventions?
You can even explain how best to take it another step further, being the unstable bipolar ´broken´ guy may also be worth trying out. Give me characters, stereotypes phrases. Anything that comes to mind. I want to explore this.
I'll show some drama from my own past... This girl is with me right now, and she's kinda the queen of my harem. AKA I am exclusive with her. But getting her wasn't an easy task, I had to break every single convention and rule the community teaches. I had to become needy, not just pretend. She thought I was too invulnerable, and I had to expose myself to her completely. In the end, it was a fight and a very valuable experience. Here's one of the many emails I sent to her...
One thing is for damn certain… Whether you make me happy or you make me sad… You always inspire me to write. Sometimes I write and poison oozes out. Sometimes, nothing but love.
So, like I was saying to you… Don’t do that. Don’t marry him or be with him. Call it off immediately, if not sooner. I’ll come back for you.
I’ll come back anyway. Even if you don’t do what I tell you to. Can we screw this up any more? Not really, right? We’re at rock bottom. The way I see it… It’s only me who’s capable of enjoying this proximity to death, and danger, and darkness.
Speaking of darkness… I kinda like it here. I mean, there’s no denying that I am a big smacking screw up. I can’t sleep for many nights at once, and then I sleep for 24 hours straight. I can’t down more than a shot for years… and then one day I am insatiable.
I kinda miss how I loved the light I felt with you. Now I have no love for that light. It’s like I have reverse evolved. You are going to be smart and marry the stable guy. I know it logically. But it doesn’t hurt me enough to stop loving you. So I’ll do what needs to be done. I’ll hurt me. You won’t come to know.
But not yet. Not yet. See I am true to my word, even if it consumes my soul. I don’t mean to impose, but don’t go. Someone will get hurt, and it’s certainly not going to be your choice as to decide who. Not trying to scare you… not that you’re scared of me anyway… I think you already feel I can’t inflict harm upon you. But it’s safe to say that if you go away, there’ll be some pain. And seeing as how I am never in mood to inflict any of it on you, it’s coming to me.
So in a greater sense, I see clearly.
I see clearly how you will never want to be mine. Not now, not now that I have acted out so foolishly. I guess, I was trying to get you to do something bad to me, like trying to get me arrested, or murdered, or insulted at least… so that I could try to stop loving you with a real excuse. I see clearly how this will all act out.
Yet, I will be close to you every single day. In ways you can’t fathom with all your mental prowess. I don’t mean to impose, but I am the ocean!
You are mine until I am lost. You are mine until I am totally dead. At least until my soul is executed. It’s a lost art. It’s completely lost on you. Inflicting pain… they did it well in the times of old. Like they did to William Wallace. Tore out his arms and legs… cut out his intestines… but the screwers couldn’t make him apologize.
Great Man!
So do you get what I am on about? Just because I seem to have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn’t necessarily mean I actually am not capable of going that far. I want pain. It’s masochistic. Masochism will consume me. And there ain’t a God Damn thing you or anyone else can do about it.
No.
I am not asking you to save me. Begging for mercy is not my style and doing so at this stage would be disingenuous. I am merely fighting my fight. The consequences are mine to bear. The pain is mine. You always warned me. I chose this. I am responsible for this. It’s not your problem.
And if you truly stop caring, just try to get away from me as fast as you can. I think you can’t. But I have been wrong before. Can’t see it working out either way. Logically it makes perfect sense. But the heart doesn’t allow me to shut you out. And neither does yours. Can’t see anything else clearly.
What I can see is this, though. I’ll be there at your wedding. Pretending to be a guest. You’ll know exactly what I’d be there for. I’d be there for you to just forget everything and make a run with me.
Will you do it? Don’t know!
Will be there? You can bet your last drop of blood I’ll be. Unless I am dead, in which case either you’ll probably want to move on, or you’ll be forced to.
But in all other cases, I’ll be there. Not that I am not here for you right now. You remember how I told you not to make promises you can’t keep. You said you’ll be there for me a call away whenever I need you. I knew you would break it. You see I am not generally wrong about things.
Needless to say… I have a strong impulsive gut reaction that tells me you’ll be with me. That you are mine. What was it that you said? Maybe we are not “meant” to be together?
Who the screw means to design, and by extension rule my life? I mean to ruin his life in turn.
Nothing changes my actions. At least not when I make a commitment. If you were to ask me to stop, I’d probably still go because I gave a man my word. And I am a man of my word. My feelings never get in my way.
But I can’t help how I feel. I feel… like writing. Like talking to you. Like kissing you. Like holding you. Like covering you. Like protecting you. Don’t know from who. Don’t know if I am being tricked into wanting and feeling this way. Don’t know if I am a fool.
You can’t accompany me everywhere? Why is that? I don’t think you know what the hell you’re talking about.
You asked me to stop drinking. That probably relieves you off the guilt. I’ll tell you what… none of this is your problem. I won’t create any drama for anyone, that’s my promise to you. I once told you I wouldn’t hurt any of your folks. I’ll stick to it in whatever way it requires me to stick to it. But you can’t stop me from doing what I want to do. Not when you hold some other guy’s hand. Not then. You lose all your rights over me. You have all of me right now. Excepting my actions and prior commitments, just about anything you want you can have. Drinking… gone! Other women…. All dead to me! Fights… over! Volatility… done with! You can have anything. You already have my love. You already know my desire for you in every way a man possibly desires a woman.
But you can’t stop me from plunging further into this hell hole if you don’t call that drama off. As why should you? You can’t push me and pretend to care for me at the same time.
And guilt?
Don’t feel guilty. This is not your problem. This is my business. My actions, my thoughts, my feelings… my business, remember? All those things are well within my boundaries to control, or to not control. I relieve you off all your guilt.
I’ll be here, though. I’ll come back. Surrender to me like you were once about to, or reject as you are doing right now. Either way… I’ll be here.
So here’s what I am saying. Come back to me. That’s what I want. Come to me as you are perfect in my arms. Come to me for you make me want to be a better person. Your absence kills me moment by moment. I have nothing when I don’t have you. All this power and money has little meaning and nothing to do with my happiness. You are the source. Make me your problem if you care for me. If you don’t, none of this is your problem. But don’t come to me because you feel guilty. That’s the only way I wouldn’t have you. Other than that, I don’t care about the rules, the society and the people in it. I don’t fear anything or anyone. You hold my hand, and I will protect you from everything. You know that, right?
World is filling up with depressed assholes like me who couldn’t deal with a breakup like mature adults. But the fundamental difference is that I am an extraordinarily talented actor. I can pretend to be anyone I want to be. And so no one gets to make fun of me, like I made fun of all the other people.
I won’t give up on you ever. Not when you don’t want to talk to me. Not when I don’t feel like loving you. I’ll keep at it, as I persevere now. I think it’s safe to assume you already know no one else can ever love as much as me. So if I can’t make our relationship work… no one in the world can ever make any relationship work.
I am coming back. Stay. If you get lost I'll find you. If you lose yourself, I'll bring you back. That's my promise. Just don't do anything stupid when I am not here.
The question is... Can you create that much drama if you truly do become invulnerable? I think this whole Eckhart Tolle thing kills a man's passion for life. Don't get me wrong... it's great when you are down or depressed or contemplating suicide. But neutralizing yourself and removing sexual tension isn't the way to be or feel or be received as a masculine person.
Me? To me drama is just another game. I don't love it, and I don't hate it with a vengeance either like the pickup gurus. I can live with some of it. It's something I am relatively much better at than almost every other man I have seen... Dealing with drama, creating it, and then using it to manipulate others. Also, feeling the feelings. I do that too.
I'd like to point out that I entered and removed myself from the subservient frame many times during this play. I was almost always conscious... sometimes too drunk to care. It ain't for the beginner, and it ain't for you if you can't lose her. I could always lose her and do well, and I think both of us always knew that.
Oh, and she did call that wedding off. Now she's with me, and slowly trying to get me hooked. I am allowing her to. I am allowing her to get me to be exclusive. And I like the getting hooked thing. Sex is great. Maybe in retrospect ten years later this will all be a colossal screwup. But I really am too aware of my own cosmic insignificance to give a shit.
I think you can deal with drama well, but you have to know your limits. Don't invest more than you care to lose. Ever. I can invest all of myself into one project, or one business, or one woman... and walk away losing everything... with a smile. Maybe my understanding and awareness of my cosmic insignificance is the reason why... who knows?
But I won't invest anything I can't stand to lose. Any investment is risky. So be careful here. Drama is by default risky.
And yes, don't give her drama when she's behaving badly. Give it to her when she's behaving well... aka investing in you. Before I sent this email off, she cried her eyes off telling me her side of the story.
Nothing gets to me and if they can't get to me then there's no connection.
I think its an error to believe that "being unaffected" means they'll also be unaffected.
Very little gets to me, I argue with girls in a rational manner. Because of that, they go completely nuts. Their life is completely filled with drama, sometimes simply for the fact that mine isn't. It drives them crazy that they can't get to me. Thinking back, I have made most girls go a little too insane, I actually have to reel back and do some damage control to help them out. All that happens without me getting emotional at all (not even fake emotional).
Don't you have any controversial beliefs? I have a lot which I'm able to argue rationally and unemotionally. You don't need to be emotional to make others emotional. You don't even need to make up stuff, you can just stick to your genuine beliefs and feelings about things. Are you really that uncontroversial of a person? I doubt it.
I am inhibited. This is not about me tacking on drama on top. It's about taking away some of the rational layers to let what I feel out. Of course I've got controversial opinions. There's another messageboard filled with women I frequent and they hate my screwing guts they would lynch me if they saw me in RL. And yeah I enjoy it. It's genuine trolling.
I'm a party animal but when it comes to true feelings I don't show it at all because that Taoist stuff taught me to like the indifference so much. And indifference is great on the outset, but once you're learning to get to know a girl better the indifference can be a turn on to some and a turn off to others. I've had girls pillow-talk me that they were curious about screwing me because they wanted to know whether I'm not that killer-robot in bed as well (don't worry, I'm not).
Right now I'm boiling and pulsing inside. I have a lid on it and I am in control. But the food I'm eating, the supplements I'm taking and the sleep I'm getting I'm just full with energy and it's energy I want to share with others. My confidence is seeping out of me.
However, drama takes more than just energy. A theater play without a script turns uninteresting very fast. Even with improvisation you need experience to know which kind of twists are interesting. And absolutely this bordering on trolling a girl. But you're doing it with positive intentions, you're trolling her into coming on a dramatic adventure with you. You're trolling her so she can tell stories to her friends, making her the center of attention among her peers.
And it's good for me as well. Drama takes me out of my head and makes me stop mentally masturbating over which subtle approach I should be taking to increase my value.
I don't want this thread to be just about me. I want it to be a general place where we can expand each other's knowledge on being dramatic. If there's any personal stories you want to share or need any help with your own stuff just say so and I and I'm sure many others here are willing to provide insights.
Here's one thing that dawned on me. Drama can't be repetitive. You can't keep being dramatic about the same thing otherwise it only becomes self-indulgent and stale. Just like with a real story, drama needs to go somewhere. It may take loops and roundabouts and it may take steps back, indeed like a dance. But it needs to stay in constant movement and it shouldn't be taking the same route all the time.
You want to have the feeling it's going somewhere, whether that's a beautiful mountain peak or an abyss. And it's not about getting there, it's never about getting there. Movies only have resolutions because you can't keep people in the cinema for ever. But in real life it doesn't need to end, it can just keep going, venturing into new ground.
I think Drama needs to be there (if they don't have it , they create it).
Trying your best
The only way to build attraction is to be attractive. Not for any one person, but attractive because that is the combination of your personality, actions, and appearance. There will be *many* women who will not be attracted to you because you do not flip their switches. After many years of beating my head against the wall, I've realised that that is a good thing - you cannot be all things to all people. Be attractive, and focus on the women who *are* attracted to you. These are the women you will have chemistry with. This is a smaller number of women than you could potentially sleep with if you were a pickup machine. However, at least for me, I have begun to learn that while you can sort of force attraction some times, it's never worth it in the long run. The sex is terrible because you don't have a real connection. Be attractive, focus on the women who respond, and you will have a much better experience.
I think that 80% of her attraction for you is built on the way she sees you live your life. It's not really as much about the interaction together. If you're in a good condition, a good mental state and living a rich social life full with exciting stuff then you're already a high-value male. High value males are rare in this society so she's going to try her best in keeping you around.
Not that 'trying her best' in this context can also mean that at most she's able to be open to your advances. Women are frequently insecure and perfectly capable of pretending to be hardly interested and then go home and cry about how little attention she received from you. So in such situation it's important to just push a little harder.
So when you understand these two things. The value she puts on your lifestyle as well as the way it intimidates her and makes her feel insecure then it's really hard to go wrong with women.
For me its not about doing something in the moment in order for her to like you, but its about the actions that build you into an attractive male, for example working out, dressing good, smelling good, a good haircut, good posture etc. you can build points, and work on that, theres no need to be perfect either just basic stuff that make you a freakable guy in girls minds.
From there you are up to personality and girls personal taste and availability. There are girls that like you, because you like them, and they enjoy that. Other might like you because how you dress, or because you are skinny and wear glasses and that make her wet.
I have heard girls rejecting male models because they like "more down to earth guys" whatever that means in her mind. Her last boyfriend was a tatooed guy with piercings and stuff. So theres not even a logical pattern to attractive.
You could Lead them and get Physical to amp up more attraction. Going Direct IMO is just to get her paying attention to you and let her realize your intentions. From there the game starts. You still got to Lead them and due the Dance of Physical Escalation. I'll role play with them as well.
I took a coaching with some guy that worked with Mystery Method and he made me memorize DHV stories, Banter lines in order to build attraction. I would run all these stories, wait for IOI's and all that non sense. I would always be in A1-A2 of the sequence. It didn't feel like me. I felt like I was selling myself to her. The girls would always laugh and have a great time, but that was it. I was nothing more then a Dancing Monkey to them.
My wing on the other hand would go Direct and not talk that much, take them to the dance floor and lead them. He is one of the few guys I know that pulls constantly. I model my game after his. He told me Chill Out and cut out the dancing monkey. So my Approach now is "Hey, I think your cute, had to meet you". From there Lead + Physical which keeps amping attraction.
Invest in lifestyle
In all seriousness, you biggest challenge will be NOT to flash your money for women, and not to spend to much money on them! Use the money on things that matters to YOU, quality in your life, - and take them with you in that environment, and you will get the most out of what you got!
Invest in:
Your lifestyle, NOT to show off, that's what losers do! But to live the life that matters to you!!!!
- Invest in your own personal-development, education, way of thinking, your body and so on... If you are down with science and thinking, then explore art, style, music and visa versus ... investing in knowledge in women is great, but change your way into it ... get curious and follow that curiosity, instead of trying to "get women - being positive curious about women, is more important than skill and knowledge ... If you are a soft worm, invest in manning up, if you are a hard, sharp bastard then invest in developing a caring, loving, helping side of yourself also!
- Refine your style, or get a total makeover for YOUR own sake, even if you are cool, try something new... And start shopping without using tons of cash, just go browsing... When you get the interest in style and art that become a fun thing to do ...
- Get your home up and running so that it's effective, and nice to be in! Think practical art lounge, with good stuff in the freezer, and soft music and light all over ... it don't have to be expensive to do so, but if you have the money, go all out for it!
- Then invest in being social, going out, traveling and so on ... Host parties, small events, movie evenings, so on ...
Cool is not something you can try to be, then you are not! It's a bi product!
It's fine enough to make sure your women is in good environment, that is in term of feeling and state only ... fine enough to pop the champange, and have a nice home ... as long as you do it because you enjoy the spirit of it, and don't do it to impress and buy women ...
I would do all of this in a self negging frame (not a pathetic self victumicing one) but a self ironic, having fun one ... like hb: "how did you afford that champagne, it looks expensive" you: "I don't, I'm bat shit poor, I just got it from a good friend who won it in the formula one race" (If you lie do it obviously, and outrageous! then it's not exactly lying is it)... hb: "your are so silly ... "
If you want to use money on girls, hire prostitutes and strippers ...
Get inspiration from women, never try to impress them with wealth, it's so pathetic...
It's in my experience(coaching guys, having friends and so on) seldom that wanting to have a relationship, for the sake of a relationship, ends in anything good!!! ... That is the game of swamp-like desperadoes and ppl who fell alone and lack the sweet love they so desperately crave play... Shitty foundation to build a relationship on if you ask me!
Most losers in the boy and girl thingy that I know off, is desperate for relationships ... they try to squeeze it out of every girl(or the so called 'special' girl) before she have even given them the first job ...
"My" way on the other hand have usually been, to start with getting to know them, which might leads to just having fun with them, which might leads to having sex with them, which might leads to a relationship with them, - sometimes the sex even comes first, and friendship later, or whatever... that is not the important part!
The important part IS: Not being so fixated on the final outcome! To never fixate on if this "phase" will lead to the next "fase" and so on, though always demand that she qualify if it does, it is to simply dance your dance and see where it leads to, I seriously believe that for most that is the best way to do it ...
Just show up, interact, flirt, be playful, have fun, and see where it leads to without being so damn rigid, will give you much MUCH more success, than over planing what role a girl should have in your life, before you have even meet her!
Desperate ppl is desperate for relationships, - cool ppl takes relationships as they come (or not come)... there might be exception to that, but it's 110% my own experience...
Now you do have a point in getting a standard for what you want, that is criteria's for a potential gf, for a lover, or for a friend, criteria's they have to live up to for those to fit into your life, and you into those (those criteria's will change over time by the way, when you get the experience and find out what you want)... Use filters to deselect, and to select certain things ... but don't make them to rigid either, one thing is thought, and fantasy-world, another is real life, - you will never have the imagination to pre-experience what kind of girl you will REALLY run into, - every one of them (at least the good ones) will surprise the hell out of you, so again, filter on what is important to you, what demands you may have, that is simply what you can't live with or without ... and let the rest up to whatever magic happens ...
Another key is though, that this magic will only happen if you actually meet them in the real world... And it will happen more often if you are good with women obviously ... but this way of doing it have the other advantage, that until you meet one of the 10 dream girls you will plow trough, the one and only's, the 200 other gf's, the 2000 fb's, and the 50000 practice princesses, then you will in lack of a better phrase right now "get good with women" in the progress... and not only that, you will have an amazing time while doing it! At least that is the upper most pleasure in my own life, only surpassed with being with the girl you are really in love with when there is a such... Again the numbers is not important, perhaps you meet the one and there will only be one of them after 20 practice princesses and no fb's, that's fine if it actually ends up being the case, but no the point ...
This thing with boy and girl, should not be a hard task, or huge pain ... it should be fun, down right amazing! And it should be freaking evolving...
I repeat! The cycle should IMO never be "I want a girlfriend" IF you want a girlfriend overall, as an overall goal, - and not in fact a certain girl(out of 10 other possible ones) as your gf, because of certain feeling that have aroused while you where with her, if it did not take something special of her to qualify to be this girl you want as your gf, - then I'm sry to say it, but then you are a desperado! You crave love because it's hard for you to get in your life!
This is properly the worst way into women AT ALL! I would even say the most important thing to change, beside actually approaching them if you want to get really good with girls, AND it's simply not enough to fake it!
You simply can't feel that way if you don't love to be single, if you don't love your social life as it is right now! Hence the way into a relationship as in bf gf, should NEVER be "I want a gf", - I'm open to getting a gf IF I happen to meet someone that I really want to be with ... is OK! But directly making getting a GF an overall goal in your life, is a losers game!
Make the goal to become good with women PERIOD! Make the goal to become a better man, even a more attractive man if you absolutely insist! Make the goal to actually meet girls and to be with girls ...
Then you don't need to make it a pathetic goal of one day getting a girlfriend ... no you just have to be open for it, when it happens, and you will get one before you know it!
IMO the goal with women should be the same for everyone, sry to say so! - And I know the ones who think in a certain way, have a hard time accepting that! - In the end it's of course up to you guys, but I personally think you have to change that mindset to get success ...
When you start to understand those things, you also understand that It don't have to become hard just because you have focused on something else, - it's a matter of how you approach the topic! You don't succeed in business without having some personal skills, there is just some blind ends you have to avoid ... the biggest one trying to impress with your money! (if you got money, you should do the direct opposite ... !) But that don't mean you are lost, and that it will be insanely hard for you ... in fact if you approach it correctly, it will be insanely FUN!
Most non game related millionaires I have as close friends(I have a few) always have plenty of girls around them, not that many of them gets quality love and pussy from them though(not even though they easily find a gf), to many of those who goes for them, are simply (cliche I know, but true non the less) all after their money only... If you are loaded,women know that if they lose the power over you, or give up the pussy to easy then they will never OWN it all, but you will own them, they don't want to be owned like that... Then they will often have a poor lover on the side, since they have to constrain them-self, and pretend not to be horny all the time... (the exception is if you live in poor countries, or goes for really poor girls, then they will do anything to be saved) ...
In fact, the sentence that have given me the most quality pussy from rich girls EVER, is not "I'm so freaking rich".... but ..."I need a women with a rich man, to pay for our caviar" ... well go figure out why it works so well ... I'm not saying the provider lover is true, but often it for sure in hell fells like it! and it for sure in hell is easier to go from being her lover to her provider, than the other
way around!
It's still a huge advantage to be loaded though, I'm def not saying ppl should shot after being poor! But it's only a real advantage if you are smart about how you handle it ... if you are not I will actually call it a hindering when it comes to women...
Of course it also depends on what women you are after...
Money gives opportunities! That is if you don't have to sell your time and enjoyment or meaning of that time to get them ... time and quality of time is much more worth than money in it self ... and most women know that much more, than most men ... we are primitive like that ...
There is a long way from imagination to the real world... and most men sadly thinks that as long as they get x, y and z, then their life will be perfect ... In my experience it seldom happens like that ... Money without taste or ppl in your life with taste will not bring taste into your life ... same with everything ...
I have never experienced money as a limit for my social life, neither when I had plenty or none at all ... though being social can cost five farms it can also be totally inexpensive, - most of my best clubbing have been close to free on club soda ... You don't have to go to a jet-set party to get the the best girls, you can always go to where they shop, and become that guy who freaks the rich guys gf (I have so many time) ... If I go clubbing I do it places I ACTUALLY love being myself, I for freak sake don't have to create my life around getting girls ... girls of ALL kinds are available all the time, almost everywhere! I love underground clubs, but I goes mostly in the art communities, much better parties (ever tried painting drunk with 8 naked girls, while sharing cheep wine with them? well... you should!)
The problem with the mindset "know what you want", is that what you want starting out, is not what you should want! - WHEN you develop what you want changes! When you stop not being able to "get any" what ever it is, you stop being desperate, and when you stop being desperate, what you want changes ... being able to get that right away, will not only stop you from going for the first and the best, and ending up in something that don'w the road will be shit ... it will make you use a period of time developing, - you need to develop taste, before you will want something tasteful! When you develop your bar raises, for the better! Think about it, it's like this for everything! First you just really, really, really want a computer ... when then you get the first and the best, and you are just happy ... but then you spend time with it, you find out that it can't run your apps, it burns you laps, and the keys are shit! ... You have to go trough a LONG phase before you are able to know what you want and what you need ... and accepting that makes it all much more fun!
I don't know about failure ... but some of the mindset are key! I have never seen rejection as failure though! It only is, if "winning" is always getting her ... not being so outcome focused, and simply focusing on the process, on being with women as much as possible, actually getting good with them over time, developing as a man and so on ... will make it all much funnier ... all the suddenly, being bold and risking getting shot down, don't become risking to fail, it becomes an experience that will benefit you overall NO MATTER what!
It's like practicing with swords, do you think that from the first practice, he who saw every-time his teacher got a blow trough to him as a failure, will ever become a great swords man? well most who thought like that would give up fast ... the master swords man, have been stung many times, that's why he is great .. those where not failures ... they where lessons, practice, - but even more so a great freaking time!!!!